Tomato-Tomahto, Potato-Potahto

Ever since my immigration to the United States of Amerika, I have found there is a large problem. My pronunciation. I am a former German diplomat once employed by the Third Reich until they ran into some financial troubles in the 1940's and let me go. Jobless, I had come to Amerika to begin a new life. I am fluent in 43 1/2 languages ranging from my homeland's Duetsch to the lesser known African and Middle Eastern languages. Still I cannot figure out the basic pronunciations in English. I have turned to a group that calls themselves the "Feminist Community", vich I believe is an underground facist group (this, of course, makes me feel very at home). One of the members told me about vomen's vorld and it became knownst to me that I could share my problems here and find answers to my plights. My problem is simple, but most aggravating. I am vell versed with the saying "Tomato, tomahto. Potato, potahto.", but I have no idea what to do with a strange vord I have come across vile reading a book I recieved for Wienachtsabend (Kristmas I believe it's called here). Avacado. I believe this word was the reason for the fall of my beloved Third Reich for it is certain to become the downfall for my troubled soul. Avacado? Avacahdo? Aahvuhcahdoe? I just can't master this vonderous vord.

Franko Delano Roosewelt