Women's World Newsbreak: Food Linked to Cause of Death?

Researchers Puzzled by Apparent Link Between Food Consumption and Death

Harvard researchers stumble upon 100% correlation between eating food and dying

Rueters, Sunday July 13th, 2008

NEW YORK- In an astonishing finding today, a small team of Harvard researchers encountered what may prove to have been the real cause of death for all ancient and modern civilians. Mark Brady and his team of analysts have found what they have named the "ultimate killer": food. The studies show that one hundred percent of people around the world who have consumed any food or food product have died. Though many in the world succumb to worldwide epidemics and disease, food is currently said to be the number one cause of "natural death", but is said to now be linked to every death in the world. Researchers have confirmed the finding which has risen to the top of the charts as the number one killer in the world overnight.

"We're really excited to have stumbled upon something so ground-breaking. It's been such a pleasure working with men as smart as these, and I think are going to be making some great strides in the near future." Brady said.

One of Brady's associates, Mark Smirth, wasn't as upbeat about the findings. He reminds the world that they have only found the cause, but have yet to find a solution to this overwhelming killer.

"The most troubling part," Smirth said, "was once we expanded our research, we found the same correlation exists between people who drink water. It seems there is either something in the nature or water or food that finally compromises our bodies and leads to the 100% fatality rate."

Brady and Smirth are confident that with the help of research teams around the world, a cure can be produced and survival rates are expected to soar right back to where they were one year ago. Brady and his team have studied groups of rats, but they say, so far, that starvation has not been found to be a useful cure.